How To Get Pregnant... FAST! ( A really, REALLY non-clinical way)

Okay, so I must be clear, I'm NO Doctor and there is NO scientific evidence to support my theory. The only proof I have is years in various conversations with other moms of all kinds from all places. 

It was just two months ago I sat at my kitchen table with one of my best friend's and listened to her cry in desperation that yet another month had come… and with it, her period. She broke my heart when through broken words that she has been trying as long as it takes to carry and then have a baby. I know to a lot of women out there, who go years trying that this sounds almost petty, but having no obvious fertility issues for either she or her husband, it seemed like a life-time… when you… well… expect to get pregnant right away. 

I couldn't help her, but I had noticed the last 6 months her obsession with it was growing out of control. Everything she talked about was regarding getting pregnant. The foods she ate were to promote fertility. She marked her calendar and did everything that she was «supposed» to do and still… nothing. 

I told her that she needed «time off» from baby obsessing. That she needed to tell her body and mind and soul to just chill out and trust that when it was time, it would happen. She nodded along, agreeing with me, but we both knew that nothing was going to change. She had just gotten her period that month and was leaving for Vegas the next morning for a girlfriend's Bachelorette party. She originally didn't want to go, knowing that there would be alcohol flowing freely, mimosa's for breakfast and smoke filled air, but I told her that she needed to cut loose, to say 'screw it" and go. 

She did. She partied. She had a blast. 

She was pregnant the next month. 

And so, Part Deux of what I've learned to be a very common obsession (myself included) is now, the concern that after that weekend or night of wine, booze and maybe even *gasp* a cigarette, you have harmed your baby. Ugh. Worst part of it all. 

But what I told her was that out of almost every woman I have met along my mom way… (going on 10 years)… I learned that A LOT of them had gotten pregnant… drunk… or had been drinking the weekend before… or something along the lines of that. I remember making a joke to a woman at mommy and me class a while back that was trying to have a second baby and I said, «surefire way to get pregnant is to go out drinking»...

Now, just to be clear, I am in NO way endorsing drinking to get pregnant… or drinking at all ( we can discuss «mommy juice» at a later time)… But, I think what DOES happen… is when you de-stress your body a little, maybe relax a bit and stop obsessing over things, is when your body is relaxed enough to… well. get pregnant. 

it's like that story, about the young woman walking with her mother on the beach and asked her mom, «How do you keep a man?» and the mother grabs two handfuls of sand; one hand squeezes it tightly and the sand pours out between her fingers… the other hand; she holds in a loose cup and the sand sits in her palm calmly, not escaping… I feel like that metaphor can (and should) be used for pretty much anything… Stress kills...

So, the humor side of me would say, the fastest way to get pregnant is to try not to get pregnant and go have some wine and a smoke… But the other side of me would say, breathe… let go, let God (or just let go) and trust it will happen. When it's time. 

Moms Expertise
    Sooo trully!! Each month with period means lost time for me - as for your friend. May be that's the reason we are married 5 years and have no kids?))
      8Theresa Gould
      I have heard that not stressing is one of the most important things to do when trying to conceive. I had a friend who had been trying and trying and trying and as soon as they were out of their stressful situation she got pregnant. Have to wonder....
      About Jessica
      Born: Novato, California
      Current: Sherman Oaks, California
      Birth: May 28
      On since: Aug 5, 2013
      We live in Los Angeles, CA. I'm a writer, comedian, actor and single mom of two. Parenting is hard. I try to keep a sense of humor about it all and find the find the funny... in what is most likely NOT funny (i.e. boogers, meltdowns, homework, etc.).